Do Not Underestimate Children

I want to start this post by saying there is no judgment here for how other households operate. Every family is different, and this is simply what works for us. I hope that by sharing our experience, some parents might feel encouraged to give their children a little more independence – something they might secretly be craving.

In our home, we navigate life as best as we can. My children require some minor adaptations for their learning needs, and I live with a physical disability. We take care of each other, and though it’s hard to admit at times, my children are young carers. Like many parents, I experience moments of guilt, especially on days when my disability keeps me bed-bound and I can't be the mother I strive to be. But even on those days, I find pride in the capable and compassionate children I am raising.

It’s easy to focus on what children can’t do. We worry about their futures, particularly if they face educational challenges or other difficulties. Sometimes we can underestimate children when they do require adaptations and write them off as incapable and sometimes, in our desire to protect them, we do too much for our children. When really, they can do so much with the right support.  But one of the most valuable gifts we can offer our children is independence.

In our case, my health has made this a necessity. And while it hasn’t always been easy, I’m grateful for the silver lining – witnessing my children’s growth and confidence as they master essential life skills. We live in a time where technology and gadgets make it safer than ever for children to be more self-reliant, so why not embrace that technology?

I grew up with a lot of independence myself. As the eldest child with an unwell mother, I learned to cook, clean, and manage household tasks at a young age, though not always in the safest environments. While my childhood had its difficulties, I don’t resent those lessons. They gave me resilience and prepared me to care for myself when I eventually moved out. I made mistakes, but I also learned how to survive and thrive.

Because of this, I’ve encouraged independence in my children from an early age. From the time they could walk, they’ve helped me assemble furniture and clean alongside me. As their understanding grew, I gradually allowed them to take on tasks independently while I focused on other responsibilities.

Simple adjustments have made this possible. I bought a one-cup kettle so they can safely make tea. They light up with pride when they bring me a cup, knowing they’ve done it themselves. They also know how to use the microwave to heat their bed warmers or prepare pre-cooked meals when I’m unwell. An air fryer has made cooking safer and more accessible. Until recently, we had a cereal station in the kitchen, allowing them to serve themselves without struggling with packaging.

I use a lightweight vacuum due to my condition, which conveniently makes it easier for the kids to vacuum their rooms. My daughter has learned to strip beds and operate the washing machine, and she’s beginning to run her own bath, although I still supervise. I’m not yet sure when I’ll feel comfortable leaving her unattended, but we’ll take it step by step.

Of course, there are tasks they can’t handle yet, but as they grow, so does their ability to manage more. Preparing them for this independence takes effort on my part, but I know it’s the right thing to do. Today, as they cared for me, I felt reassured knowing they have the skills to manage if needed. They know they are loved and supported, but they also understand how to take care of themselves.

I often hear surprise at how much my children can do. But I don’t believe they have any extraordinary talents – they simply had the opportunity to learn. I firmly believe many children are capable of the same, and many would relish the chance to develop practical life skills. We teach children to swim at a young age; why not teach them how to look after themselves too?

If your children are yet to make a cup of tea or cook a meal, why not ask them if they would like to learn? It might be a small step, but it could spark their interest in becoming more independent and capable.